


Forever

by kuro



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-10
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-02-04 03:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1764209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro/pseuds/kuro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was here again. He knew he shouldn’t come this often, but he couldn’t help it. No matter where he went, no matter what happened around him, he would inevitably be drawn back to this place. Forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt from maeglinhiei over on tumblr. 
> 
> It's technically 616, but I guess it can also be read as MCU.

He was here again. He knew he shouldn’t come this often, but he couldn’t help it. No matter where he went, no matter what happened around him, he would inevitably be drawn back to this place. Forever.

The years had slowly passed. He would like to pretend he didn’t know how many, but the truth was, he knew the numbers. Years, months, days, always there in the back of his mind.

It had been summer when he had stood in this very spot the first time. Beautiful flowers, beautiful words, and a dark shadow slowly settling in his mind.

Then the days grew colder, and the leaves started to change colour. Steve couldn’t help but come here, again and again, every single day. Standing here, watching the leaves painted in vibrant reds and yellows falling from the trees, brushing them away from the top of the snow white gravestone.

The next spring, he had stood in front of another grave just a few steps away from this one. Slowly, the earth around them started filling up with bodies of people he used to call friends and comrades. Too many white gravestones, too many friends.

“Sorry,” Bucky had whispered, and Steve couldn’t bring himself to reply, gently gripping Bucky’s hand, seeing the light in Bucky’s eyes fade for the very last time. This time, the goodbye was final.

He didn’t get to say goodbye to Carol. There was not much that had been left of her body, but they had still buried her here.

Sam had been one of the luckier ones, dying of old age. To the very end, he had always been worried for Steve, trying to make sure that Steve would be okay. Steve had smiled at him reassuringly and told him he would be. He had become a good liar over the years.

Logan had been the last. His abilities had greatly enhanced his life span, but even he didn’t have forever. Unlike Steve.

Steve had asked him once, way back before he knew, how Logan stomached all of this. Logan had only shrugged. He knew now, there was no good answer to that question.

All of his old comrades had either vanished or died a long time ago now, and even though others had taken their place, it wasn’t his team any longer. He would always take up the shield and fight if he needed to. He would always protect those who needed protection. But the strength to stand right at the front and lead the fight had vanished a long time ago.

It had vanished the night Tony died.

And he was the one to blame. He still woke up at night, dripping with sweat, with Tony smiling a bloody smile back at him in his dreams, eyes unnaturally blue.

“For you, Steve,” the voice haunted him. “Always for you.”

He had spent ten years trying to get rid of the endless urge to wash his hands because he felt the blood dripping from his fingers.

No standing in front of the gravestone and wishing he could somehow atone for his mistake would change the fact that it had been all on him. And yet, he was here, touching the weathered, hardly readable inscription on the gravestone, wishing for relief that never came. The pain had festered in his chest and had turned his insides into a burning, rotting mass over the years. And still here he stood, with his heart beating a steady _thump thump_ , never failing and never growing weaker.

Oh, how he wished he could end it.

How he _wished_ he could return back in time and right all the wrongs, take all the the wasted opportunities and make something out of it. Eternity was already a curse. Standing in front of this grave and wishing he had had the courage to say ‘ _I love you_ ' even once was the ultimate form of punishment.

Now all he had left was a bloody smile haunting his dreams and a gravestone slowly crumbling to dust.

He cried silently.


End file.
